Alone
by Zoe Standing Bare
Summary: No one at school knew." After a conversation with Ivy, Peter attempts to try dating again. One-shot.


Author's Note: Whooo…I like this thing. It turned out nice…sad, but nice.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Except the random OC. But you can have him, I don't really want him.

It wasn't that the boy wasn't attractive, because he was.

What it was…was that he wasn't Jason.

Peter hadn't been expecting it. He was out at Berkely, an active member of the school's Gay-Straight alliance, and generally sought after. The last part was the most surprising; the only one who had ever wanted him was the only one he had ever wanted. Then, all of a sudden, here he was, being asked out left and right. Of course, it was just made worse by the fact that he said no every time. All the boys wanted to know more about the enigmatic Peter, the absolutely adorable guy who wouldn't date.

No one at school knew.

Then the new boy showed up. Anthony was a transfer from Notre Dame. Anthony hated Notre Dame…_Notre Dame_! He said he couldn't stand it, that it was oppressing, and that there were no hot guys to chase after. Peter knew the only reason he had even started talking to the boy was because he had come from the place that Jason had worked for, had all but lusted after.

Anthony had shown up to a group meeting one day, but sat in the back of the room, looking somewhat awkward. Peter sat down next to him, introduced himself, and things had just gone from there.

The new boy asked him on a right before they left for spring break.

Peter said no.

About halfway into the week off, Peter got a phone call. He had been visiting Ivy, and was playing with baby Jason when his phone went off. Anthony's name popped up, and Peter reluctantly answered it, still holding the infant.

"Hey," he said. "Can I call you back? I'm a little busy right now…"

Ivy came into the room, holding a bottle for the baby. She looked at Peter questioningly, which he ignored.

"Why won't you date me, Peter?"

"Look, now isn't a good time-"

"Just one date, please…that's all I'm asking."

"I really can't talk right now-"

"When we get back," Anthony continued, as if he couldn't hear Peter's protests. "Dinner and a movie, that's it."

"Look, Anthony, I can't, alright?"

"Why not?"

"I have to go," Peter said softly, hanging up the phone. He turned it off and pocketed it, cradling baby Jason close.

"Who was that?"

Peter looked up at Ivy and shrugged. He handed the baby to his mother, who sat down on the sofa next to Peter and started feeding the child. "It was no one."

"Well you knew who it was."

"Yeah, just some kid from school…"

Ivy gave him a look. A look that clearly said she was suspicious. "An admirer?"

Peter cursed in his head. He still wasn't used to Ivy's sharpened perception. She always knew things these days, especially because the two of them had been spending enough time together to know each other's little things. In fact, Peter couldn't even count the number of times he had called the girl up, crying. The fact that she did the same made it even.

"Yeah," Peter shrugged. "One of the many."

Ivy looked at him. "You should date, Peter."

Peter sighed. She didn't know; she couldn't even begin to know. Peter knew that she was pretty happy dating the boy she had moved in with, that she could move on and live life. She had loved Jason, yes, but the feelings had never been reciprocated, and although Ivy had had a hard time getting over Jason's death, she had been able to move on.

Why couldn't Peter, then?

The answer was too simple. Jason had loved Peter. He may not have said anything until it was too late, but he had. Peter knew that Jason loved him. And Peter also knew that they had been meant to be. Forever. They may have been young, but childhood sweethearts got married all the time. So why should it have been any different with him and Jason? It wasn't possible for Peter to love anyone like he loved Jason.

"I don't want to date," Peter finally replied stubbornly, taking baby Jason back. "I'm not interested in anyone."

"Just try," Ivy persisted. "You shouldn't be miserable and alone. It's not fair to you. Or him. Jason wouldn't want that for you. He'd want you to move on and be happy."

"I'm not alone," Peter tried to smile. "I have you and baby Jason, and Nadia, and Matt, and all my friends at school."

"You know what I mean, Peter."

"And I'm plenty happy," he continued, ignoring the girl. "Everything is fine."

"Go on a date. I'll stop bugging you. All the boys at school will stop bugging you."

Peter looked up. She did have a point there. He could go on this date, and stop being that mystery. The boy looked back down at the baby, into his eyes. "What do you think, baby Jason?" he couldn't bring himself to say it without the adjective tacked on…it would feel too much like asking Jason for permission to…"Should I go on a date with Anthony?"

The baby raised his small hand to Peter's face, pressed it firmly against his chin, and let out a soft gurgle.

"That means yes," Ivy giggled, putting her arm around her friend. "And how can you say 'no' to an adorable face like that?" she cooed, taking her child back.

"I can't," Peter grumbled. He knew it was too true. How could he say no to those eyes? "Fine, I'll do it…" he frowned grouchily. "But I'm not going to enjoy myself…"

"Aw, look at cranky Uncle Peter," Ivy cooed to Jason. "Tell him he has to at least try," she continued to the baby. Baby Jason looked at Peter and gurgled again.

"You both give me a headache," Peter complained.

"Call him back right now," Ivy demanded. Peter looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't really need to, Ivy-"

"But you do need the moral support."

Peter couldn't really argue with that. He pulled out his phone and turned it back on, relieved to see no new messages. With a slight frown, he pulled up the other boy's number and pressed the call button.

Maybe Anthony wouldn't pick up.

"Hey, Peter."

Peter tried to swallow the lump in his throat. It didn't really work, but he was able to force out, "Friday night work?"

"Definitely!" the other boy sounded excited. "I'm at work right now, but we can arrange the details later."

"Yeah, alright."

They hung up. Ivy was looked at Peter with a small smile on her face. "See, that wasn't so bad, now was it?"

The week they returned went by too quickly. Peter was dreading Friday night.

Nothing about this felt right. It took Peter longer than it should have to get ready, and he was basically dragging his feet to meet Anthony outside his dorm building. But the other boy wasn't worried about the time, and was practically radiating happiness when he caught sight of Peter.

"You look great," he told Peter.

"Yeah, thanks…you too…"

That was the right thing to say, right? For as long as Peter and Jason had been together, they had never really…dated. They couldn't. So Peter wasn't exactly sure how this all went.

The night was pretty generic by what Peter knew about dates. Anthony paid for his dinner and movie, which was very nice, but as much as he had promised Ivy and baby Jason that he would try to enjoy himself, Peter just couldn't bring himself to do it. He put on a great act, though. That was something he had always been good at.

He hadn't meant for them to end up back in his single dorm room, or on the bed, or anything else that transpired afterwards. He didn't want it to happen, really, but something inside him won out. Need, probably.

When Peter woke up the next morning, he felt…well, he wasn't sure how he felt. For one moment, with strong arms wrapped around him, Peter thought he was with Jason again. It was a moment of triumph.

"Morning, baby," Anthony whispered in Peter's ear.

Peter couldn't respond. He felt his heart break again, a feeling that came back often, but never this strongly. The boy was afraid to open his mouth…a slight whine sounded in the back of his throat. A couple more seconds passed. "Good morning," he finally whispered.

"Sleep well?"

"Mmhmm…"

They were silent. Peter climbed out of bed and started throwing on clothes. The other boy watched him. "I have a paper to write, I should get going," Anthony said softly. His tone was defeated. He knew he had lost.

_He doesn't know who he was up against_…Peter thought with a sigh.

"Oh…alright…" Peter turned to look at the boy, who was now up and getting dressed as well. "I'll talk to you later, I guess."

"Yeah."

Once Peter was alone, he stripped his bed sheets and washed them, not allowing himself to cry until he was back in his room, the door shut and locked. He sat on his bare bed and sobbed, not wanting to call Ivy, not wanting to do anything but cry and waste away.

He had tried, though, hadn't he?

Peter realized that as much as Jason wouldn't have wanted him to stay miserable and alone, that was all he would ever be. And it wouldn't be for lack of trying, it would be for lack of the one person he could ever spend forever with.


End file.
